Dedications to Myself

“A man standing by a spring of clear, sweet water and cursing it. While the fresh water keeps on bubbling up. He can shovel mud into it, or dung, and the stream will carry it away, wash itself clean, remain unstained.”
― Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

Human Nature and Habits

Humans are an ever growing ever changing beast, but through habits that can change. We can either work to maintain habits that allow us to continue to flow like Marcus’s river, able to wash away any dung thrown into us and erode the mud on the banks so that we become bigger and stronger. Or we can slowly dam off our source until we become a pool that is easily poisoned by the slightest of contaminants. I want to be the best version of me I can be and so I am working on my habits.

In the first chapter of Atomic Habits by James Clear, he talks about the importance of small systemic change to ones habits and how those foundational habits will help you achieve greater goals. However, he warns against only having large singular goals as your only source of motivation because people will often reach them and then quit maintaining the positive habits set in place originally. I have my goal set as a nebulous “Be Better” because I think it’s clear in intent, all humans are flawed and we should work on those flaws as the time and situation seems fit. I refuse to stagnate as a human being, but I also don’t think I’m doing bad. I just think I can be better too.

So, as my goal is to be better, I need to develop systems that help me achieve those goals. These will be equally nebulous goals. Sisyphean Tasks that never end so that I can imagine myself happy to repeat them. Here I would like to subdivide that main goal into sub systems to reach that goal.

My Systems

1. Consistent cleanliness – as anyone who has ever lived with me may know, I am not the cleanest of individuals. I have a phobia of bugs and years of kitchen experience, so I don’t let food stuff get gross too often, but I do have a clutter problem. I let things and trash pile up on open surfaces. Clothes form in piles of either clean or dirty. And projects end up where ever they do.

   So to achieve my ultimate goal, I will work on maintaining a cleaner home environment more consistently.

2. Learn – In the tech field it is important to stay up to date on modern technology and to prove that you’re staying up to date to the business majors who run your department. On top of that, I find learning to be an enjoyable activity regardless. Short term, I want to finish a degree, long term I just want to learn.

   So to achieve my ultimate goal, I will work on maintaining a more consistent learning regiment.

3. Eat Better – This may sound like a call to be healthy and it kind of is, but really I am tired of horrible fast food. I really want to eat more flavorful complex food. Dishes from more ethnic groups than the probably 4-5 I frequent. Try out more alternative and progressive diets like Veganism. I desire to be culturally well rounded in my enjoyment of food. While also making room for healthy habits, but these aren’t contradictory goals.

   So to achieve my ultimate goal, I will work on maintaining a more varied menu of food items while keeping my health in mind (this mostly means eating more fiber).

4. Be Active – I wish to just be better about moving more. Confinement to a desk job has caused me more ailments than eating food straight out of a deep fryer ever has, though the pay raise has done wonders to offset these issues. A sub goal here is to be able to long distance hike regularly again or to be able to toss my fiance around like they see in Tiktoks would be acceptable goals.

   So to achieve my ultimate goal, I will work to maintain my physical health.

5. Grow as a Person – One of my biggest fears after becoming “woke” years ago is that one day I will no longer be considered “woke” or whatever the word will be that day. I want to be a compassionate human being who’s philosophy is in line with modern ethics on minimizing suffering. Right now that means being a Pro-LGBT Leftist shill who never shuts up about how capitalist greed is what has caused nearly all suffering humanity faces today and the rest due to religious fanaticism. Remaining a thoughtful ally to all is the goal here.

   So to achieve my ultimate goal, I will work to maintain my ethical standards.

Final thoughts

Work, change, and growth are all positive synonyms to me and I want to make that true. This is all written out here because it is important to write down the desired outcomes one is trying to manifest. I will even say these things out load when it is time to practice one of my pillars of growth.

I am a man with no religion. I have no saints to venerate or spirits to appease. This is my ritual worship and dedication to myself, the highest being I can know.